


Hands held in the dark

by sky_blood



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27129076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky_blood/pseuds/sky_blood
Summary: A story where Draco is still a dick, but he just gets friendlier. Both Harry and Draco get character development, and neither lose their character. This story has a bit of fluff, some smutt, some angst(although I wanted to keep it minimal), and finally a half consistent timeline. So yeah, I'd appreciate it if you read it.Oh and also Snape is a decent human in this fanfic cause he's more fun as a character that way.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

He took pride in his appearance, whatever else anyone might think about him, his taste was impeccable. The Yule Ball was going splendidly in his opinion. He was wearing a white dress shirt with a white vest over top and some black pants that simultaneously showed nothing and indicated his slender grace. His mom had helped him pick the outfit, and though he generally scorned muggle attire, this particular outfit was inspired by it. He and Pansy had spent the dance quite pleasantly so far. They had danced a couple of times to the classier songs and in between discussed the ins and outs of the social circle their families lived in and which quidditch team was likely to triumph. It was truly an enchanting evening, but best of all dear potter had spent the evening looking positively miserable with Patille desperately trying to get his attention. Potter was too busy watching Cho Chang and Cedric wistfully as they danced. Honestly what an idiot, he probably could have scored anyone but was too focused on his hero complex to actually put his brain to the possible uses of his position. What a waste.  
Pansy interrupted his inner snide monologue. “Draco, don’t look now, but I do believe Ms. Beaver's teeth is trying to make an impression on the weasel.”  
He discreetly moved to her side of the table under the guise of placing his arm around her.  
“Merlin, definitely an improvement although only enough to bring her up to passable and completely overshadowed by that horror of a dress.” he indicated her straightened hair and smaller teeth.  
Pansy chuckled, “dear me, no need to be unkind, the poor dear obviously did her best.”  
Pansy was playing with them, she’d raised her voice just enough so that the pair could hear. Draco quirked his brow and moved back to his original seat so that his back was to granger and Weasley. He knew this game well and was happy to play at it. He just had to wait until the weasel's nasty curiosity brought him over for a listen in to Draco’s “evil plan”. He looked around the room and caught Potter's eyes. He looked confused and suspicious. Draco didn’t justify that with a real emotion he simply quirked his brow at him then turned back to Pansey and the performance knowing full well that now he held each member of the golden trio's attention.  
“You’re quite right my dear, I was being quite callous, it is the best she could do. Although one wonders why, surely to the weasel is not superior to a beaver, in fact, I think I would be hard-pressed to find a more fitting couple than a stinky weasel and a mudblood beaver,” about halfway through he met potter’s eyes in a lazy challenge and was rewarded with a look of wrath but no action yet.  
Pansy held back a snicker then said to Draco, “Oh look, and right on cue look who appears”  
Acting as if he hadn’t timed it so they would overhear, he turned and feigned pleasant surprise at the couple.  
In the most innocent voice he could muster without completely losing it he said, “My goodness, speak of the devils. We were just saying what a perfect couple you two are. Weasel, I mean, Weasley, in that lovely er,,,antique, and our darling granger in that, hmmm how to describe that ensemble? Gaudy? No. intriguing? Not quite.”  
“Eye-catching?” Pansy offered innocently with only a hint of mirth on her face. She was brilliantly fun, he would have to congratulate her later.  
“Now that is the word for it,” he played the word in his mouth with a cruel grin, “eye-catching.”  
Weasel had shown a shocking amount of restraint, letting him finish that sentence. Ron was red in the face and looked ready to murder him.  
“Malfoy you bloody bastard, take that back, or I will make you,” He said with barely contained anger, like he was biting the end of every word.  
Draco tilted his head, pretending to mull it over, then he opened his mouth and carefully enunciated “no.”  
Draco had been expecting Granger to hold the Weasley back and so he stood up only to be punched in the nose. Nevermind that he had been expecting a magical rather than physical attack. That seemed to happen an obnoxious amount in his life. Ah well.  
He looked around and the fool of a teacher had their back turned facing the snack bar. Looks like it was time for some good old fashioned fisticuffs before the weasel really did attempt to carry through on that threat.  
The next punch weasel threw he ducked with as much grace as possible given the table but wasn’t paying enough attention to anticipate it when the weasel grabbed Draco's shirt and punched him in the face. Draco's nose started to bleed. His brand new shirt was in those grimy hands. That’s it.  
He twisted so that his back was against the weasel then before either had a chance to think he drove his elbow hard into Weasley's stomach. With a gasp, he let go of Draco’s shirt. Draco, still angry, wanted to scare Ron a bit so he turned and looked ready to punch him again. Then an arm snaked around his waist and dragged him out of range.  
“Guys, stop it,” said harry. Looks like wonder-boy had made his debut. Draco could feel the dreadful ruffle on Potter’s shirt against his back. Draco struggled a bit in his grip but couldn’t get free.  
“Harry, did you even hear what he said??! He said--” Ron was practically blustering.  
Harry responded unusually calmly, “I heard him. Hermione, go enjoy the party with Ron. He won’t bug you anymore.”  
Hermione was also fuming but she wasn’t interested in getting in trouble and she guessed that Draco was just playing his own game and she didn’t want to be a part of it. She whispered something in Ron’s ear.  
Hermione dragged Ron off but not before he had muttered, “he always bugs me.” and Draco had responded by thanking harry for preventing the animal cruelty he was about to enact.  
Harry shoved Draco in the direction of Pansy. Harry’s eyes were stormy, he looked furious and it was hardly contained, but instead of an insult Harry just said, “Dumbledore wants to see you tomorrow after class.”  
Draco froze the only time Dumbledore wanted to see him was when his father did. He tried to throw on a nonchalant uninterested air of importance. Lucky for Draco his poor attempt at concealment was unnecessary, Potter was too preoccupied to notice his expression. Pansy, however, wasn’t. She frowned but didn’t say anything and Draco was too anxious to notice her looking at him.  
He sat down with less than his usual grace and gave her an eerie smile.  
She smiled back, but uneasily.  
“Hey Draco, I think I’m gonna head back to the dorms. I've had enough sub-par music to last a lifetime,” Pansy said.  
Draco still seemed preoccupied but his response was as courteous as ever. “Here let’s both head in, I'll take you back.” He knew she’d made that jib about the music for his benefit but he was too anxious to focus on something so small and inconsequential in comparison to the inevitable disaster that was to come.  
They walked in silence back to the dorm, they both automatically steered to his bed and sat on it.  
Pansy turned to him. “Look if you would prefer to keep it to yourself I understand, but I won’t pretend I’m too stupid to notice when my best friend is too stressed to function and definitely hiding something, you don't pay me enough for that. So what’s up? I’ve never known you to care about what the headmaster says.”  
Draco who had been looking down at his sleeves finally looked up. More than anything he was uncertain. Every time he tried to do something his father would appreciate it backfired and instead Lucius looked at him with disbelief that a Malfoy could be such a disappointment to the family name. He could never make his father happy whether he tried or not. The only hope he had was that occasionally his father had a job for him and so decided to be civil.  
Draco wasn’t sure what purpose a lie would serve or even if a lie would work so he told the truth:  
“I’m not sure,” he said it carefully as though embarrassed, “my father must be coming to Hogwarts otherwise there is no reason for the headmaster to speak with me.” he took a deep breath here as if stealing himself, “and if he is coming he only has 2 possible reasons. The first is that I have in some grave way dishonored the family and he has come to encourage me to better myself,” the ‘encourage’ felt bitter in his mouth, “ the second is that he has a task or a job.”  
Draco felt sick.  
“But surely he comes to visit for family news as well.”  
Draco let out a bark of laughter, “no, no. He would have owled if there was anything that mundane to convey, it hardly constitutes a reason for the head of the Malfoy family to visit if it can be said in a letter.”  
Pansy sighed, “well let's hope it's the latter then.”  
Draco nodded mutely, his stomach was still acting strange.  
“Look as soon as you find out, come and find me, I’ll be here if you need someone to talk to. And we can do something to get your mind off it.”  
He didn’t insult her by saying thank you. Thank you was just a way to dismiss the significance of her offer. Instead, he simply sighed and placed his head on her shoulder. She placed her hand over his gently.


	2. Velvet Bedsheets and Ninnies

(harry's pov btw)

Harry was pacing in his room. He was angry. Why the hell had Dumbledore contacted Malfoy, bloody Malfoy, before answering him? Harry had been trying to talk to him for the past month and been evaded every time and yet Malfoy somehow manages without trying to get a full-on visit. Just when he had thought he was going to get answers it turned out he had simply been summoned to send a bloody message to a twat. 

Ron grumbled from his bed, “can ye get to bed you giant ninny, ‘m trying to sleep”

“Sorry,” Harry said. He was too antsy. He decided to go for a walk. He grabbed his cloak and headed out to take a walk. He ended up skirting the lake and looking up at the stars. He spent close to an hour wandering the lakeside until his hands and face were cold.

He consoled himself dejectedly. Maybe he didn’t understand why dumbledore wouldn’t speak with him, but maybe he would soon. He shook his head and turned back to the castle. He started to turn back to the dorms but he wasn’t ready to sleep yet, he switched directions and climbed up the stairs heading towards the observatory. He stopped dead in his tracks at the top of the stairs. 

Draco Malfoy was sitting on the stone edge of the building, one leg dangling in space and the other bent his arms crossed over. He was staring at the sky.

Harry hadn’t known Draco liked stargazing, but he was more surprised that Malfoy had risked detention. Scratch that, the bastard was most likely friends with the hall monitor and could get out of it. Of course, it was just like the git to rig the system so that it looked like he could take the risks while letting everyone else take the fall.

If Ron was here he would probably tell Harry to report him anyway but Harry knew Malfoy wouldn’t actually even care. Besides, if Harry was going to nail Malfoy he wanted it to be a big deal, something that would expose Malfoy to the world for what he really was. 

Draco leaned forward over the edge. Harry watched with dreadful fascination. One fall and it would be over. Draco finally sighed, got up, and walked past Harry. He could small Malfoy’s cologne. Then he was gone and the trance was broken, leaving Harry alone on the rooftop. Harry shook his head but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something... like there was some information he had been given but hadn’t noticed it yet.

He went back to the dorm and fell asleep within minutes.

\----brief interlude----

The next day he went through his classes like normal, laughing with Ron and trying to follow Hermione's leaps of logic in potions. His last class of the day was transfiguration. The Gryffindors had this class with the Slytherins. He spent the class trying to troubleshoot his cracker which was really a bolt. For whatever reason it was stretchy, Hermione was trying to help, but McGonnigal kept giving her new challenges until she had to recreate something she’d never seen before. Her brow furled in concentration and she went at the problem with dogged determination, it kept turning green and forming into similar, more familiar items. The highlight of the class was when Malfoy got 10 points taken for his lack of focus. Ron and Harry snickered about this for a while. Hermione frowned for whatever reason. And despite warning looks, Draco continued to watch the clock closely. Finally class ended and Harry threw out the squishy cracker. Ron threw out his metal toothpick. Hermione caught up with them halfway down the hall.

“Hey, do you think Draco is ok? He looked a little paler than usual, and he never drifts off in class,” she seemed genuinely concerned.

Harry pondered, maybe she was right, he wasn’t exactly his usual self today, he hadn’t made fun of Neville's purple lime in class. Maybe it had something to do with why he was up so late last night.

“Pale? Hermione, the man is practically a ghost! He’s probably just having an allergic reaction to the velvet sheets on his bed,” Ron responded.

“Ron!” Hermione said

“What?” Ron sounded incredulous.

“First off, velvet bedsheets? You are being ridiculous. Second, I’m not being irrational here,” Hermione answered with a tone of friendly disbelief.

Harry was still trying to do the math. What did it mean? What did Malfoy have to do at the observatory? What did Dumbledore want to see him for? What was distracting him? There were too many missing pieces, no way to tell what he was planning. He would have to talk to Hermione later. Maybe after they finished their history essay he would ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter I know, but I have a good reason for it(well a half decent one at least). Besides, there's no reason to make something longer than it needs to be; as ao3 keeps reminding me, brevity is the soul of wit. No worries though, I'll update again soon  
>  *does peace sign and vanishes in a puff of smoke*


	3. ...

DISCLAIMER:(PLEASE READ) This chapter includes scenes of abuse and violence. If you are sensitive to this type of content please feel free to skip this chapter. Do what is best for your health!  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Draco felt like his feet were made of lead as he walked towards Dumbledore's office. Maybe his father was just here to inquire about Potter or perhaps complain about the quiz he had gotten a 4/6 on last week. This was ridiculous. He shook himself and, back straight, knocked on dumbledore’s door.   
The headmaster opened the door and welcomed Draco, gesturing to one of the chairs. Lucius stood by the window, his hand on the back of the chair in front of him, his face impassive and unreadable. Draco summoned all his resolve and nodded.  
“Hello father,” Draco said tonelessly.  
Lucius didn’t bother to reply; he simply nodded then turned back to Dumbledore who had begun to speak.  
Some of Draco's anxiety was released, so far so good.  
“Your father is going to take you back home for a couple days starting today to have some family time,” Dumbledore said, meeting Draco’s eyes tersely.  
Draco had never heard something so ridiculous and he was fairly sure no such thing had left his father’s mouth but he simply kept quiet.   
Dumbledore continued, “you will of course be expected to keep up with your school work and catch up on the classes you will miss. But other than that I think you’re all set.”  
“Thank you for your time headmaster, we will be off now,” Lucius said curtly.  
Draco blinked, “We’re leaving now?” He had not expected that, maybe in a few hours, maybe some time to pack or gather his wits.  
Lucius turned his cold focus on Draco. Draco felt his mistake immediately.  
“I only meant I still have to pack,” Draco argued weakly.  
Lucius dismissed this easily. “You have clothes at home and you are carrying all your school stuff. Besides there is no reason to waste time.”  
Draco had no choice. He inwardly apologized to Pansy. He wouldn’t be able to explain until later why he never showed up to let her know what was happening.  
“Have fun!” Dumbledore's voice made its way down the stairs outside the office. Trust Dumbledore to completely misread and misinterpret every situation. Lucius grimaced and picked up the pace.  
They walked quickly down the large airy hallways, they headed for the front entrance in silence. They turned a corner and there was Potter. He stared openly and looked so interested it irked Draco, why couldn’t the prat mind his own business? He threw him a sneer and potter’s expression quickly changed to anger and suspicion. Better, much better. When they passed Draco’s expression returned to being studiously blank. It was tiring holding a lie on your face.  
Lucius led Draco to a point just outside of the border of Hogwarts then apparated without looking to make sure Draco would follow. Draco took a deep breath, and stealing himself for whatever was waiting, he apparated into the entrance hall. Then he walked to the dining room. His father was reading a newspaper, the picture of uninterested calm. It was as though he had been there all morning. When Draco walked in Lucius didn’t react. Draco waited, standing by the table.  
“Sit.” Lucius commanded. Draco sat, trying to figure out why he’d been called home for a dining room talk.  
“We are having guests come over for dinner, they will want to meet you, be ready in an hour.” He still hadn’t looked up from the newspaper.  
“Who are they?” Draco asked. He wasn’t going to back down on this one, he would know for whom he was dressing, if nothing else.  
Lucius met his eyes over the newspaper, “Guests. Guests that must be given the right impression, and I’m sure they will introduce themselves once they get here, now run along and get dressed.” Lucius’s voice was cold and offered no vestige of leniency.   
Draco bristled but left and headed to his room to pick an outfit and take a shower.

Later that night the party was in full swing. It took place in one of the larger sitting rooms. The chairs and sofas were dark brown mahogany and dark green velvet upholstery. The room itself presented as more of a library; the walls were covered in books. The dark oak floors of the room were offset by the high windows showing moonlight. While the room was high quality the guests were of a different breed.  
It turns out the guests consisted of death eaters. Death eaters Draco had no problems with, in fact some of them were rather kind to him, however these were unusually crass and seemed to jump at anything and everything. They were truly ruffians although Draco guessed they must have something his father wanted or needed. Draco spent most of his time nursing a glass of amber liquid until his father made a cutting remark about slobbish drunks and he set the drink aside. Quite frankly he was miserable, however he hadn’t been yelled at yet so things were going better than they might have. He sat down and watched the party pass only making conversion when necessary.  
He had chosen a dark green suit with silver detailing to really hammer home that Malfoy aesthetic he told himself, but in all honesty it was a nice suit. He wore a black dress shirt under it and snappy black dress shoes, his hair was slicked back as per usual.  
Lucius made a toast to something which Draco just missed then asked the party to join him in a side room. This piqued Draco’s interest, generally guests were not welcomed into the secret side rooms. His father lit some candles and closed the curtain so that the lights were dim, then he and some of the others began chalking out power symbols. His father gave instructions while remaining aloof.  
Draco ran through the list of symbol combinations he knew but didn’t recognize this one. Lucius arranged everyone and shot Draco a warning look.   
“Alright all of us that have read the spell will lead and the rest simply cast your magic so that we may shape it. Do all here understand?”   
There was a chorus of assent and they all took out their wands. Draco had no clue what was going on but he knew enough to follow suit. It seems he was not among the chosen few who got to be in on the plan. The room was dim and flickering candlelight made everyone's face unreadable. They sat themselves around the symbols, there were four symbols and roughly four people sat around each of them cross legged.   
His father looked around the room then “Begin,” he said quickly, almost rushed but Draco knew that was absurd.  
The group began shaping their magic but since he didn’t know the spell he simply added his magic into the mix allowing it to be formed by the others into the correct shape. The magic blew a breeze that wasn’t real into his face, Draco closed his eyes into it comfortably. Suddenly the floor seemed to shift under him, he wrenched his eyes open and suddenly he was eye-to-eye with a man. He was uncomfortably close for a moment and then he swam out of focus and the view changed to the top of the man's head leaning over a desk. The man was working on something with his hands but he couldn’t see what he was doing. Then the tone of the magic shifted, and instead of precise ritualistic scholarly it took on a mal-intentioned craze directed at the man. Draco knew that if the magic caught up with the man he would die a very painful death and be ripped apart by his own magic. No, no, no. He didn’t even know the bloody man and he might kill a man but if he were to do it it would be in person. Draco panicked and yanked back from the spell, the room swam back into focus, he felt dizzy from the sudden change in surrounding.   
They were trying to kill that man. Some man Draco didn't even know. Someone who wasn’t even part of the conflict that he knew of and yet they were using an unforgivable curse on the man. Draco couldn’t seem to catch his breath, his father stared at him coldly for a moment. Draco shook his head a clear ‘no’. Lucius frowned then flicked his wand and suddenly Draco’s magic was being dragged out of him mercilessly. It dragged him back towards the spell. Draco clenched his wand in one hand and the bookshelf behind him in the other hand trying desperately to hang on to this reality and keep his magic from the ritual. Fucking hell, his father was trying to force him into killing a man! His father was forcing his hand into murder of someone he didn’t even know! Draco gritted his teeth and held tight to the present reality. He wasn’t even sure what his plan was, he just knew he wasn’t going to be even partially responsible for this man’s death.  
It felt like his soul was being separated from his body. Draco had a tight hold on the world but Lucius had a tight hold on his magic and there was nothing but the natural bond holding Draco and his magic together. The ache was getting unbearable then suddenly lucius’ grip loosened. He looked over at Lucius in shock then the pain redoubled as Lucius yanked. Draco heard a wet pop like a dislocated joint and the pain rocked his body. The pain went directly up his nervous system shredding every thought and he shrieked in pain. Involuntarily he let go of everything and suddenly he was trapped in the middle of the spell staring at the old man, he tried to struggle but with every move the bond between him and his magic was ripped apart more. It felt like bones were grinding against each other when he so much as shifted. The spell had begun to work its way through the old man gathering threads of magic and tying them tightly to the magic web work they felt like lines of fire against Draco's magic, and he cried out. No one else was in the spell next to him here. His father had shoved him well and far into the net of magic knowing damn well how dangerous it was. He screamed again as the magic shifted going for another attack then suddenly it was as if his neck just simply snapped off and everything went black.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
again, protect mental health etc.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He sat sobbing on the floor of the room once again, he was unable to process the room. He had just almost killed someone and his father had forced him to. The betrayal of his very existence made him shake. How could that happen? How could he be forced into using his magic? It made him feel disgusting as though he had done the thing himself. Like he was unclean, he couldn’t wipe that act away and thanks to his father that was now a part of him. The world seemed to swirl around him.   
Suddenly they were alone.  
Tears were streaming down his face, he was speechless with anger and betrayal. Lucius was not.  
“You,” he rounded on Draco, “YOU! You disgust me. YOU are a useless vile worm not fit to even playact the Malfoy name. How dare you! How dare you openly contradict me?”  
“Me?? I’m the problem? Last time I checked I’m not the one who just shoved my son's soul into the middle of a killing spell! Last time I checked I'm not the one trying to kill someone not part of the war! Last time I checked I DIDN’T ENDANGER MY SONS LIFE FOR A--” a sharp slap interrupted his last sentence knocking him against the brick wall. Malfoy made a strangled noise of anguish. His hearing and vision went hazy. His father's voice continued to follow him through the haze, each sentence punctuated by a slap.  
“YOU PRETEND TO UNDERSTAND MY CHOICES AS A FATHER??” the side of his head stung, “YOU THINK I DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOU AS I WILL?” Draco tried to protect his head with his hands but didn’t manage it, “YOU ARE A PATHETIC DISGRACE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO THE MALFOY NAME!” it felt like that slap went through his skull “EVEN WHEN YOU WORK AGAINST ME YOU CAN’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE. PATHETIC WASTE OF MY TIME.” His father's voice roared in his ears and with that last sentence instead of a slap he was shoved onto the ground landing hard on his arm which gave a sickening thunk. Draco knew to stay quiet, not to cry out. He cried silently curled on his side cradling his arm with Lucius’ voice echoing in his ears. He heard his father's steps fade away as he left the room. Draco began to cry, his sobs filled up the empty hallways and rooms and yet they still felt empty. Draco felt like he was choking, there was too much pain, his father’s words bounced around his skull and the face of the man he had almost killed, seared into his memory, burned him from the inside out, everything about him felt like an open wound spilling over with tears and the loss of the control he so valued. The loss of the only thing he’d ever had. He couldn’t feel the physical injuries or the tears falling down his face and pooling around him, everything was drowned out by the ache in his chest. Why couldn’t it all just go away. His sobs wracked his body until everything faded to exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was awful to write I'm sorry it took so long but it was really a pain. I did not expect it to be so hard to write an abuse scene, it made me feel really disgusting so the editing isn't very good and the writing may not be either. I'm honestly debating cutting it all together but ya know, quantity over quality right?   
> I'll add another chapter today as well to make up for being late and uploading a chapter i might delete.  
> As always i'm open to new ideas, and thank you for reading. The next chapters are better and i'll update more frequently.   
> side note: exam week is done! i did it and i got okay grades!


	4. Snickity Snacks

Harry stretched his arms above his head, yawning. They were almost done with their essays and Ron was running to grab snacks.  
“Hey, ‘mione?” Harry said around his yawn.  
“Mmmhmm?” Hermione said distractedly.  
“Ya know how you said Malfoy was acting weird? Like, all distracted and pale?” Hermione nodded, “ Well I saw him the other night in the observatory and then today he was going somewhere with his dad.”  
“Huh, i knew something was up, do you have any idea what?” she asked.  
“No, I was kind of hoping you could answer that,” Harry said sheepishly.  
She rolled her eyes, “well you’re the one who knows him the best--”  
“I do not!” Harry protested.  
“Yes you do, now be quiet. I will help you after we finish the essays.”  
Hermione finished hers quickly. He and Ron got within half an inch of the requirement then gave up. Then they sat around on the couch relaxing. The deep red of the couch seemed to flicker in the firelight. The warmth from the fire heated the room and other Gryffindors came and went behind them as they sat in the common area.   
“So, Harry, what do you think he’s up to?” Hermione asked.  
“Who?-” Ron asked, looking confused.  
Harry got comfy in his chair and faced hermione. “To be honest i have no idea-”  
“Guys, who are we talking about?” Ron asked again.  
“Malfoy. I was thinking that maybe he was trying--”  
“Malfoy? seriously?” Ron asked again.  
“Yes Ron, do keep up, and let Harry finish his sentence,” Hermione said.  
Ron grumbled but gestured for Harry to continue.  
“I was thinking that maybe he meant to sabotage that divination test we have later this week, ya know the one with the star interpretations? But he wouldn’t need his father to do that with him”   
“Yeah not to mention there's no point to sabotaging it because it would probably just make it easier to make stuff up anyway,” Ron added.  
Hermione smiled, she didn’t like divination any more than Harry or Ron.  
Harry nodded, “exactly, so i think my only half decent idea left is that he’s trying to get Dumbledore fired.”  
Hermione frowned, “well as much as i would hate that, which does make it seem likely, what does the observatory have to do with that? Or for that matter why bring Draco home for two days? And why would any of this make Draco nervous?”  
“Why does Malfoy do anything? As far as i can tell he is as likely to be plotting Dumbledore's downfall as his dad is to be a death eater,” Ron shrugged.  
“Ron that’s not confirmed, stick to facts. It’s also entirely possible that Draco had to come home for a family vacation,” she said.  
Harry couldn’t imagine the Malfoy family taking any vacation let alone a family one. The thought of them wearing safari shirts and playing in the sand seemed ridiculous, certainly the thought of that family getting tan was. Most likely they sat on the edge of a swamp looking moody and reading ancient human sacrifice tomes.  
“Do you really think that’s likely?” Harry asked, wondering if he was being a bit melodramatic.  
Hermione looked hesitant, “no, not really. But we have to at least consider it.”  
Harry nodded.  
“Consider it considered! He’s a git, he’s planning something, done considering,” Ron answered.  
Hermione rolled her eyes but let the conversation move on. Harry let the comfort of their voices roll over him. He sat comfortably and let himself drift in and out of the conversation sleepily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a tad fluffier, and as promised the second chapter in one day!(not super impressive but i take what i can get) Thanks for reading!  
> Feel free to leave comments and I'm open to ideas


	5. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning, mentions of abuse, kinda icky, but aside from that, this is mostly the after part

Draco struggled to sit up still shaking. His arm was swollen and purple, his suit was bloody, and his face felt swollen. His ears were ringing. He felt empty and unusual like he was a crumpled version of himself and he was still getting used to it. But there was nothing in him to support this new shape.  
His father had hit him before but never to this degree, it was generally less and mostly verbal. He shied away from his thoughts, like maybe if he didn’t think about it it wouldn’t be so bad. 

Draco stumbled up the stairs numbly to his room clutching his wand and hurt arm to his chest. He used a spell to cut off his clothes and wrapped his upper body in a robe and put on some random pants without paying much attention. He did everything automatically, as though this were just a normal day.

He walked past the door of the kitchen heading for the hall where his shoes were. His father's voice from the kitchen stopped him.

"You will not speak of this." Lucius's mask of cold emotion had returned replacing his rage.  
Draco bit the inside of his cheek. He knew he should probably feel something but he was just tired and hurt.

"I will not tarnish anything," Draco answered curtly. "Tarnish", acting as though this was a simple embarrassing family story.

"Draco, come here."

Draco felt his stomach flip but he came to the kitchen door. He found his father standing behind the countertop, and met his cold eyes over his battered arm and spotless kitchen floor. Everything seemed impossibly paradoxical. Surely this wasn't how his father wanted to handle this. They had never been close but this crossed a line. Between using his magic against Draco and hitting him, Lucius had to say something, explain some part that would have a logical root, something to make it even the smallest bit better.

His father kept eye contact, "You will not show up to class like this," Draco felt nothing. Of course, because reputation was the important part.

Lucius continued, "you will present yourself as though you were not a profound disappointment and you will bite your tongue if you are asked about it."

Draco looked up and met his father’s gaze with steel, “I will not bring shame to this house, you needn’t worry.” It was strange, he mostly felt scared and his arm was throbbing adding to the ache of his head, but he sounded bitter and defiant.

From what Draco could tell the look in his father’s eyes was calculating and dangerous, but. Then the moment was gone, his father nodded curtly and turned back to what he was working on. Draco was obviously not worth intimidating. Draco’s arm was killing him so before he collapsed and killed his last shred of dignity, and passed out in front of his father, he left the doorway and sat down by the front door near his shoes. Then he put on shoes and apparated to just outside the bubble that Hogwarts inhabited. 

He was still wearing a robe and some random pants with dress shoes, this was certainly not up to his usual standard but he didn’t have the time or patience with his arm messed up to fix it. He started shivering. He tried thinking of a way to get into the castle but there was no way to do it without half the students gawking at him. His brain wasn’t doing the best and he had a very limited list of people to call on. Oh, what he wouldn’t give to have his parents give him a cloak of invisibility like the prat got. He took a quick second to deliberate then his arm made the choice for him.   
After he was done he found a bush to hide behind and sat down casting a spell to ease the pain which only made the pain fit better within his range of feeling. He gritted his teeth and leaned back, praying to Merlin that no idiot first year would happen upon him.

It was like this that Pansy found him about 15 minutes later, he had sent a paper crane to find her. He was just about to give up and walk back to the castle in plain sight when he heard her whisper. 

“Draco?” 

Draco sighed with relief.

It took her a second but she managed her way through the bush. 

“Merlin’s balls Draco, you look like you’ve been through the wringer,” Pansy knelt next to him. Draco tried a sardonic smile which was only spoiled slightly by his arm, bruises, and generally disheveled appearance. He felt fragile. He was sure the smile didn’t look genuine but maybe it could pass as pain.

He was jarred from his thoughts when he felt pansy place a gentle hand on his shoulder. She looked worried and scared. Draco turned away, he knew he was covered in bruises.

“Draco,” Pansy’s voice sounded worried, “Draco!” Tears started falling down his face silently almost without him noticing. She reached out and turned his face back towards her. God knows what she saw there but Draco didn’t care anymore, the tears just kept coming. 

Pansy started softly this time, “What happened? What happened to you Draco?”

Draco couldn’t answer, the sobs dragged out of him, he was shaking. Pansy looked horrified. Draco choked and tried so hard to regain composure but nothing was stopping it now. He looked away. He shouldn’t have asked her to come.

“-sorry,” Draco managed to choke out, he was miserable. She was going to leave now he had to find another plan. Then he felt her sit next to him on the side his arm wasn’t hurt, she wrapped her arm gently around his head and pulled him so he was leaning on her. Draco’s sobs redoubled. He knew he was a snivelly mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I haven't updated in ages, commitment is hard. But I promise I will keep updating even if it takes forever! (lol, so good at this!)


	6. Pansy, the Real MVP

Pansy's POV:  
Draco just kept crying harder.

“Draco,” she was scared, Draco was never like this. He was always the one to pick her up, but he needed her now, so she swallowed and continued, “let’s get you home.” 

Draco laughed through his sobs.  
“Home,” he said bitterly, almost unintelligible through tears. Pansy was puzzled but let it go.

“Come on, stand up I brought you an extra cloak.”

Draco swallowed and gave a shaky nod. He wiped at his eyes although he hadn’t stopped crying. She handed him the cloak and pretended not to watch him struggle to put it on with one arm.

They made it into the abandoned bathrooms in the castle without too much attention although someone had recognized her, another black mark on her reputation. She almost laughed but then Draco hissed beside her. He was sitting near the sink and taking off his robe.

Draco broke the silence, “you’re going to need to set this straight yourself.”

“I’m going to what?? Draco, seriously, go to Pomfrey!” Pansy said incredulously as she looked at the swollen arm bruised face and cuts.

“I can’t. Now look,” he must have seen the panicked look on her face, she really didn’t want to do this, “I’ll talk you through it, please, I can’t do it on my own.” Again those eyes of his spoke volumes, he was scared, probably that she’d say no. His face was tracked with tears and dirt and he was still fighting tears. Damn it.

“I’ll do it,” she said, clenching her hands around her wand. He didn’t thank her, he never did, but she knew he was grateful.

“Now, where do we start?” she asked finally, almost in a whisper. She knew she was being weak. Draco would have done it efficiently but all she could offer was her best effort.

He explained how the spell would work, and what the important parts to make sure she got right was. She went over it a couple of times in her head then steeling herself she met Draco’s gaze. He nodded- a clear go-ahead. He was braced against the wall, jaw clenched. More advanced wizards were able to make it less painful but she had no such expertise. She closed her eyes and steeled herself for a moment, then she opened her eyes and before she had a chance to back down she said the words and weaved her magic into the spell making a web that gripped harshly around broken blood vessels and bruised bone snapping them back to normal. 

Draco winced hard and gasped. Pansy looked at him worriedly, wondering if he was okay, or at least if he could be. Draco sighed heavily and kept rubbing his arm.

“--can’t say I’d recommend you,” Draco joked breathlessly.

Pansy sighed and watched him for a moment.

“Draco what happened?” She said softly.

Draco started, “Father…” then he broke off and started laughing which immediately turned into tears again. Pansy, alarmed, awkwardly put her arm around him, wondering what in the world to do.


	7. Nothing is perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst and some plot development lol

Draco was back to school the next day. His arm ached a bit and he felt numb, but his main focus was hiding any evidence from anyone that might be looking for it. Last night he’d tried to use his magic but using it had only hurt him. Something must have happened when his father used it. He was worried that if he pushed too hard the magic would come unstuck from him altogether. Draco kept trying to get to the library to find information but every time a teacher would give him a look or one of the Gryffindor crew would be following him a little too closely for comfort, and so he attended all the classes of the day with relative normality. Unfortunately in transfiguration, he had to get himself kicked out in order to avoid using magic but that was easily done. He simply sabotaged the precious Neville’s attempt at a pin by asking him too many questions.

McGonagall looked less than impressed. His grades couldn’t take much of this, or any of this really. He needed to fix this. 

Draco got his chance to explore the library at the end of the day. At the library, he began to look for books having to do with inhibited magic and the bond between a wizard and their magic. It was honestly rough going, every time he thought he found something it turned out it was about repairing a wand or restoring trust between the wand and a wizard. He sighed and sat down with a stack of books at one of the farthest tables from people. He knew he was in for a long afternoon. 

Three hours later he looked up from the books and his neck cracked, the library closed in two hours and he was no closer to finding any sort of answer. He looked at the stack of books surrounding him dejectedly, this was near impossible. Everything was wrong, he should be researching for his potions class or for some nefarious scheme, not here. Not here, not now. Memories came, unbidden, to him of his father's face and voice, of the cold ferocity of his voice. Nothing was okay now, how could it be? And like usual he had to fix it on his own, even though he had no idea where to start, even though tears threatened to overflow every other second, even though he couldn’t eat because he was so anxious. He swallowed down his fear and picked back up the book taking care to read every word to block out his own thoughts.

A few minutes before the library closed he checked out a few books, he would be back the next day anyway, no point in checking out the whole section. That night he said a quick hello to Pansy then read for another hour. He stretched, then decided to get to his homework, he may as well do his best to avoid too much detention.

He spent the next couple days trying desperately to dodge detention, get out of having to do magic, keep up his appearance, research, and finish his homework. Things were not going great, and on top of that, the stupid defense against the dark arts teacher thought he couldn’t cast a Patronus because he had made some excuse. 

On the bright side, it kept him relatively busy, he tried to stay that way because when he wasn’t thoughts intruded and left him wondering what in the world he was going to do.

One of the days at the library Weasly had grabbed his shoulder and demanded to know what he was up to. Draco had winced and jumped at his touch. He regained his composure quickly (or rather a mask of one, he left to go sit on the bathroom floor shortly after), unfortunately, Hermione had been watching so she had definitely noticed.

By the end of three days, he had twelve days of detention and no answers. Four of the detentions were given to him by dear Snape. Granted Draco had deserved them, but it was beginning to ruin his reputation as a student. Luckily tomorrow was a Friday so he would get a break from the constant gaze of his teachers. He didn’t know if he could make it another day.

He took a look at his schedule. Damn. He was stuck with Transfigurations and Potions that next day, which were rapidly becoming his two worst classes. If he got much more detention his father would have a talk with him. Damn. His heart started racing, he felt suddenly too hot and his collar felt too tight. Why was he so genuinely stupid? Literally, all he had to do was read some stupid books, why was that so fucking hard? His eyes burned with frustration. He threw his things on his bed and went for a walk. He felt unstrung and out of control. Everything was too much. He wished it would all just go away so he could go back to a normal day.


	8. Bumpkin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying out this new format? I think it's easier to read than the first couple of chapters.
> 
> no trigger warnings, pretty chill

Ron sighed loudly. Harry grinned. He might not be the most attentive in class but Ron was practically asleep and it was an interesting unit too, or at least rather more interesting than the usual muggle history classes. Harry kicked the side of Ron’s chair and he jolted upright. Ron shot Harry a dirty look and Hermione frowned at them both in between notes. She and Malfoy were practically the only two who took notes in the class. Harry’s notes were sporadical and Ron’s were non-existent, he simply read over Hermione's before the test and prayed that he passed. 

Harry glanced over at Malfoy and found himself marveling at the speed with which he wrote. Still, this effort was becoming rare, the past four classes he’d been acting out. This puzzled Harry, yeah sure the guy was a prick but now he was doing something he never did before; jeopardizing his grade simply to piss people off. Harry shook his head and tried to go back to whatever the teacher was saying.

Later after the lesson Hermione, Ron, and Harry all sat at a table in the hall eating lunch. Ron was halfway through a sandwich when he started talking.

“So,” he said around a sandwich, “whatdoya think Malfuck is up to?”

Hermione rolled her eyes. Harry guessed she was upset about the name but she only said, “Ron please at least finish eating.”

“‘Mione, leave off, I don't have enough time to both eat and talk at different times,” Ron answered.

Harry thought for a moment.

“Harry as much as I hate to agree with the half-eaten sandwich,” Hermione started. Ron flicked the back of Hermione’s head, Hermione continued, “I would really love it if you would hurry it up a bit, we don't have a lot of time.”

Harry sighed, “I would honestly love to have a good answer. It feels like we have all the information but none of the answers. We know he spends every waking second, not in a class, researching. We also know that for whatever reason he’s decided to give up on all of his academics.”

“No, not really,” Hermione said.

Harry was confused. They had all seen Draco do both of those things.

Ron gave voice to Harry’s thoughts, “What do ya mean? The bumpkin obviously ‘as.”

Hermione gave them both an incredulous look, “You mean you haven’t noticed?” She raised an eyebrow. Harry rolled his eyes at her superiority complex, though he allowed that it was probably deserved. However, as she had said earlier, lunchtime was running out.

“Hermione, we love you and we know you’re brilliant, now please take pity on those of us with a social life and answer,” Harry said smiling. Lucky for him Hermione seemed more interested in answering the question than in answering the method of his question.

“Well it seemed obvious to me, he only ever acts out in classes where he would be required to use magic,” Hermione said.  
“But that’s not right, he was in defense and he didn’t do anything to ditch then,” Ron said. He was still rather busy with his sandwich.

Hermione looked slightly exasperated. For the life of him, Harry didn’t know why though.

“Were you even paying attention? That time we had the surprise dementor practice and Draco said he didn’t particularly feel like joining and, although he richly deserved it, Lupin did not give him detention.” Hermione looked down at her timepiece.

“Right gents, time to get to class but we should talk later, I was considering possible ways to discover what Draco is researching,” Hermione said.

“Hermione! I’m quite shocked, I haven’t known you to help us catch Malfoy,” Harry said mockingly.

Ron boxed him playfully on the back of the head, “Hey! Don’t give her a reason to charge her mind.”

“I'm simply interested to find out what research holds Draco’s attention,” Hermione said. She finished packing up her books.

Ron threw his arm around her, “so what is this brilliant plan, love?”

Hermione shot him a brilliant smile, "Oh we'll see."


	9. Ughhhh I hate decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cause who doesn't want to bug snape?   
> Also, Pansey comin' in strong again!

Draco had gone back to his room and bandaged his hand. It hurt, but a lot less than the thought of being exposed or thrown out of Hogwarts. He paced up and down his room, then he promptly sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands, blowing out a breath. He was running out of time before once again he had no control. He had to do something, he couldn’t let his father take control and he wouldn’t be thrown out of Hogwarts for this, and yet if he didn’t come up with answers one or the other would happen soon. A pair of feet entered his line of sight and he straightened up immediately.

“Hey Draco,” Pansy said.

He sighed through his hands which covered his face.

“Hello, how are you doing?” Draco asked. It felt strange to be so formal, but then again it felt strange to have a normal conversation in general so maybe it wasn’t actually so odd.

“Draco, I know you can’t tell me everything, or maybe anyone else either,” ah, so it was odd, “but you can only keep this up for so long, so please find someone who can help you with part of it. I will be here, and I will cover up whatever I can for you, and listen to whatever you want to tell me, but I suspect you’re leaving things out.”

Draco felt trapped if she found out she would ruin him and he would have to deal with his father again, he couldn’t tell her no matter how much he wished to. Pansy looked hopeful.

“Oh and I suppose you think I owe you an explanation?” Draco said. Hating himself as the hopeful look faded from her face to be replaced by hurt. He watched her closely. 

She shook off the hurt face quickly and a sad look replaced it.

“No, of course not,” Pansy said quietly.

Draco sighed with exasperation, he was so out of his depth here. He was either too cold and distant or having a breakdown.

“Look, you have that essay due on Monday? How about we work on that together over the weekend?” Draco didn’t add that he might not be here that long if his father found out about his detention. 

“Alright, although I know you’re just trying to shut me up,” Pansy gave him a wry smile. Draco was relieved, she might not be entirely happy with him but he didn’t have to purposefully deceive her or hurt her feelings.

“Did it work?” Draco asked as she left the room. He could have kicked himself, why try to upset her.

Pansy stopped at the door and looked back at him, she let a wry smile reach him, “for now.”

Draco grabbed a book from the stack of books he’d checked out of the library, he brought it to the bed and started looking for answers. 

A few hours later Draco had a headache from reading, he was exasperated and growing increasingly apprehensive about tomorrow. At least a few hours ago there had been some chance he could find the answers but now he debated what he could do, he had very few options, Pansy wouldn’t know what to do and he didn’t want to scare her, and the library, though lovely, seemed to be useless in regards to this question. There were a couple of other laughable options but nothing concrete, no one he wanted to tell everything to. 

He worked for a couple more hours but by now he had worked through the only books he had. He gave up on the books, he needed a new source of information, perhaps if he had more time he could find a researcher but he didn’t have that kind of time. He was missing something. He ran his hands through his hair and paced around his bed. 

Okay, a list, who could he trust not to report back to anyone? Pansy, Blaise, his mother, and Snape. A rather short list, and, in all honesty, most on it were immediately disqualified. Pansy and Blaise wouldn’t know what to do. His mother would involve going home and that was right out unless he wanted a mental breakdown. Then there was Snape, he was unpredictable, true he was close to Draco’s family but he kept his council to himself. Snape was also a teacher and therefore likely to go Dumbledore, which also didn’t quite fit Snape had always been loyal to the old ways, yet he seemed separate and distinct. Draco had spent quite a bit of time with his godfather as a child and he had always been half friendly with him. Draco sighed. Well, what did he have to lose anyway?  
Simply put, he had 3 clear possibilities:   
1- He went to class and failed miserably and had to deal with his father   
2- He would go see snape and snape would tell someone, or   
3- he would go see snape and snape would help. He didn’t seem to have a risk free option. 

Draco laid back on his bed and sat considering for a time.

Screw it. He grabbed his wand and a cloak and left the Slytherin dorms, with his heart racing. He did his best to hide his face, unfortunately, his family's influence did not extend to the dreaded Filch. He walked quickly through the halls keeping his eyes open for any sign of Filch.

Moments later he stood in front of Snape's door. He’d been standing there for a while, he knew he should move, he knew he should. He stood there, his breath the only sound. This stupid decision could well make everything change. He hesitated for a moment more then shook his head. May as well go out with the bang of a scandal as go quietly into oblivion under his father’s care.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave feedback! I am open to changing my game plan or receiving helpful criticism. I definitely know there are a couple of places where I'm missing important description or spell something horribly wrong. This is 100% a rough draft but I will continue to edit it and extend it.  
> Also a bit of a heads up, I am awful at committing to finishing projects but for this, I'm going to keep at it although it might take me a while to get from upload to upload.  
> This is the first chapter of many, not sure how many, but ya know.


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